Paradoxes and Problems

I wrote this up for a newsletter, and thought I would share it here. As goofy as it sounds, I really enjoyed giving birth (up until the end), and since this is my blog, I should post about things I enjoy! It's a fairly innocuous story, although it does get a bit graphic in a few parts.

Note, when I refer to Gretchen and Sandy, they are the midwives who cared for me throughout pregnancy and were to deliver Maggie.

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After 8 months of trying, my husband Dave and I discovered we were pregnant with our first child in January of 2006. I knew I wanted to try a natural childbirth after I read Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent several years ago, and was already a patient of Gretchen and Sandy in preparation for that. My pregnancy went smoothly. Actually, except for some morning sickness in the first trimester, I felt better pregnant than I had in years. I was due on September 29, and at my 37 week appointment I was 1 cm dilated. I declined an internal examination at my 38 week appointment because I felt great and didn't think I was even close to delivering. On Friday, September 22 my husband and I went to a Penguins' preseason game. We had a great time, did a lot of walking, and loved seeing the shocked look on people's faces when they asked when we were due and we answered "In a week!".

The rest of the weekend was uneventful. I went to bed at 9 pm on Sunday night. I woke early Monday morning, September 25, at 1:45 am. It took me a minute to realize that I was wet. I went to the bathroom and continued to trickle and there was some blood mixed in with the discharge. It took me a few minutes to register what was happening -- my water broke, I was in labor, but I couldn't believe it because I was only having very minor, irregular cramps. I called the hospital and hopped in the shower. Sandy called me back a few minutes later, I told her what was happening and, because I was group b strep positive, she told me to come on in but not to hurry. I decided to go in around 4; this would give Dave a little more time to sleep and I could get some last minute chores done. I continued to cramp but it was so irregular and mild I couldn't get a fix on them at all. They were so mild that I even signed on to my work email and sent out a few messages: "My water broke, I think I'm in labor, here's some details on the projects I didn't get finished. Sorry about that." I woke Dave up at 3 and called my doula, Salise, while he was in the shower to let her know we were heading to the hospital. While I was on the phone with her I got a monster contraction that just about threw me for a loop. I could barely talk through it and staggered over to my birthing ball hoping it would provide some relief. It did help a little bit, but I was shocked to find the contraction lasted for 90 seconds, and then the next contraction came in less than 2 minutes. I then felt a strong urge to go to the bathroom, made it to the toilet and was certain I would never be able to leave it. I then gathered my wits, told myself that if I was going to have my baby in a toilet it would at least be in a toilet at a medical facility. Dave was loading up the car and I told him we had to leave right now. The contractions continued to pound me on the drive over, and lucky for us almost no one was on the road because Dave went through every red light we got. We arrived at the hospital and made a dash for the birthing center. They got us in a room and examined me to find I was 8 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I almost started crying at that point because I thought I was still in the early stages of labor and was just a real wimp at handling the pain. I was so happy!! The nurses got me hooked up on the IV while Dave went out and called our doula. She got there in no time, and really helped with the pain, rubbing my back with a tennis ball while she directed Dave on doing hip squeezes. I felt the urge to push but the nurses said I had to lie on the bed if I wanted to push until Sandy got there, because that was the only way they could deliver. So, I laid on the bed and just gave little pushes. I hated it, though, because I felt much better when I was up and moving. Sandy arrived shortly after, around 5, and I was fully dilated so I was able to try many other, more comfortable positions. I thought I was going to have a very fast labor, but the pushing phase was a problem. A part of my birthing canal is narrow and I wasn't able to push her past that part. We tried many positions: sitting, squatting, hands and knees, lying fully on my back, but I just wasn't able to get her out. Sandy was so laid back and calm and that really helped me to keep trying. The baby's heartbeat was good the whole time but after 3 hours of pushing, Sandy decided to call the OB/GYN in. He watched me push through a few contractions and suggested some pitocin to make the contractions just a little stronger. That didn't help though, and at this point the baby's heartbeat was dropping during each push, so we had to get her out quick. They told me to stop pushing but that was very difficult for me to do. Dave got in my face and helped me to breathe to stop the pushing. Sandy had to leave and Gretchen took over while the doctor told me that they were going to try a vacuum extraction, and if that didn't work I would have to get a c-section. I was so worried about the baby's health and this was the only time during the delivery that I didn't feel calm; I was actually verging on panic mode. Things started happening very quickly: what seemed like 100 nurses came in, they put me in the stirrups, setup the huge spotlight, put an internal monitor on the baby, gave me an episiotomy, put the vacuum in, and on the next contraction I pushed while the doctor pulled and we got her out on that one contraction at 8:33 am! She was crying immediately. I couldn't believe how big she was and how much dark hair she had! Dave said "She's really a girl!" and someone called out the stats: 8 pounds 5 ounces, 21 inches, 14 cm head, and 13.5 cm chest. Things were really a blur after that. I was stitched up which was OK at first but I then felt many of the last stitches because I was only numbed up for the episiotomy, not the additional tear that occurred during delivery. I yelled at the doctor "How much did you cut?!" and he pointed at Dave and said "You're supposed to be yelling at him, not me!" It was very funny despite the circumstances. The placenta was then delivered by pushing on my stomach, and that was also painful. I just remember hollering through most of it then apologizing for all the hollering. (Dave and I later joked that I barely screamed at all during the delivery then became a screaming machine after the baby was finally out.) I kept looking at Maggie but just said "I don't want to hold her!" over and over because I was so tired and shaky I was certain I would drop her. But Dave, Gretchen, and Salise assured me that it would be OK, they'd all be there and they were right, I'm so glad I held her. Then, as quickly as all those people had come in, they were all gone. All the equipment was gone, the lights were dimmed, and things were calm again. Dave left to call our families and regale them with the story of our super-fast, then not-so-fast delivery. So, it wasn't exactly the kind of delivery I wanted, but it went as smoothly as possible, and in retrospect, it was a very positive experience.

or, How to project your dorkiness onto your daughter

He posted these questions on his blog and I'm using them to do one more post before 2007.

1) What did you do in 2006 that you've never done before?
Had a baby. Related: found out that I could function, barely, feeling like I had the stomach flu everyday for 3 months. Found out I could function, barely, having 2-3 hours sleep per day for weeks.

2) Did you keep your New Years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Think I resolved to read more, and I did do that, but they were mostly pregnancy/baby related.

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, many. My cousin, a friend, and 5 coworkers (or their wives). All in the fall, too. Like MCF said, very fertile year.

4) Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

5) What countries did you visit?
None.

6) What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Better ability to be frugal.

7) What date from 2006 will remain etched in your memory and why?
September 25 ... Maggie's birthday.

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Giving birth without pain meds.

9) What was your biggest failure?
I messed up several meals ...

10) Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious, it was a good year!

11) What was the best thing you bought?
Any comedy DVD, as it kept my sanity in the first few weeks post-partum.

12) Where did most of your money go?
Probably the mortgage.

13) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being able to wear maternity clothes. Later, being able to wear my old clothes again.

14) What scripture is a theme of 2006?
??? I'm not good with themes.

15) Compared to this time last year are you:
a. Happier or sadder? Happier.; b. Thinner or fatter? The same.; c. Richer or poorer? Poorer, but with less debt. :-)

16) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sleeping.

17) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying.

18) How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve at the in-laws for a while, then at Dave's buddy's house. Christmas morning at my parents' house, Christmas evening back to the in-laws. Next two days spent with a cranky baby who was out too much.

19) Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yep, with my baby and with Dave again as he's an awesome dad. :-)

20) What was your favorite TV show?
In the past month or two I got totally hooked on MTV's Rob and Big. ::hangs head in shame::

21)What was the best book you read?
I would say Desperation but I still have a bit to go in it. Haven't had the right emotions to get it finished, but it was very good.

22) What was your greatest musical discovery of 2006?
Nothing new. I've been listening to alot of music I've liked for years ... comfort music.

23) What did you want and get?
A healthy baby.

24) What did you want and not get?
A trip to Disney World.

25) What was your favorite film this year?
Hard Candy. (And She's the Man, but don't tell anyone, k?)

26) What did you do on your birthday?
Went out to eat with Dave and my parents.

27) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Coming across enough money to pay off all our debt would've been a big helper.

28) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Way too girly and frou-frou, 'cause that's 90% of maternity wear.

29) What kept you sane?
Dave, my parents, and comedy movies/shows.

30) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hugh Jackman, of course!

31) What political issue stirred you the most?
Politics ... blech.

32) Who did you miss?
My pap.

33) Who was the best new person you met?
Maggie, of course!

34) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
Don't do household chores after your water breaks, unless you want a frantic drive to the hospital.

35) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No Biblical quotes, no song lyrics.

Hope everyone has a great New Year!

I'm going to flip out if I see one more commercial "starring" Peyton Manning.

35 Movies to beat MCF. Will post my quick thoughts as I finish them.

1. Pulp Fiction - First Tarantino movie I've seen. I liked it much more than I thought I would. I sometimes got the impression that Tarantino was trying to hard to make a hip movie, but overall I thought it was enjoyable. Every movie should have Eric Stoltz as a hippie drug dealer.
2. GoodFellas - This was a fun movie. It moved along fast and it's just plain fun to see Liotta, Pesci, and DeNerio beating the crap outta people. I still think gangsters are lame and boring to watch -- I hated The Godfather -- but the fast pace and great leads made this worth watching.
3. Sin City
4. LA Confidential
5. Taxi Driver
6. Heat
7. Reservoir Dogs - Eh. It was OK, but certainly not good enough to be on any "best of" list, in my opinion.
8. Blade Runner
9. Leon
10. Casablanca
11. Apocalypse Now - It was entertaining enough, but I've never been a fan of war movies. I rented the redux, and I must say it looked FANTASTIC. It is wasn't for the actors I would think it was made this year.
12. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
13. A Clockwork Orange
14. Moulin Rouge!
15. The Wild Bunch
16. Trainspotting
17. Raging Bull
18. City Of God
19. The Thing
20. Scarface (1983)
21. Airplane! - ::sigh:: Can I have that 83 minutes of my life back?
22. Blue Velvet
23. Seven Samurai
24. Lawrence Of Arabia
25. The Searchers
26. Rocky
27. Platoon
28. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 - Are you kidding me? This list is very Tarantino heavy. The only one that is even close to being a "best 100" movie is Pulp Fiction.
29. Magnolia - I see what all the hype is about. This movie was great. That's a whole crapload of great actors, and who would've guessed that John C. Reilly would've been my favorite?
30. The Deer Hunter
31. The Shining
32. Chinatown
33. Requiem For A Dream
34. Brokeback Mountain
35. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

I'm posting this because I want to beat MCF. Ones I've seen are bold, ones I own have asteriks. 65 outta 100. He has a signficant lead ... but I also have 2 weeks vacation ahead of me. Can I do it? Will Maggie be accomodating? We shall see.

1. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back*
2. Fight Club
3. Pulp Fiction
4. The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King*
5. The Shawshank Redemption
6. GoodFellas
7. The Godfather
8. The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring*
9. Jaws
10. Donnie Darko
11. Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope*
12. The Usual Suspects
13. The Matrix*
14. Raiders Of The Lost Ark*
15. Se7en
16. The Godfather: Part II
17. Gladiator*
18. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
19. Aliens
20. Sin City
21. The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers*
22. LA Confidential
23. Taxi Driver
24. Die Hard*
25. Batman Begins*
26. Back To The Future*
27. Schindler's List
28. Spider-Man 2*
29. The Big Lebowski
30. Heat
31. Reservoir Dogs
32. Blade Runner
33. Terminator 2: Judgment Day*
34. Alien
35. X-Men 2*
36. Annie Hall
37. Leon
38. Casablanca
39. Apocalypse Now
40. Memento
41. Jurassic Park*
42. It's A Wonderful Life
43. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
44. Monty Python And The Holy Grail
45. The Third Man
46. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
47. Toy Story 2
48. A Clockwork Orange
49. Moulin Rouge!
50. The Apartment
51. The Wild Bunch
52. ET: The Extra-Terrestrial
53. Trainspotting
54. Raging Bull
55. City Of God
56. Stand By Me
57. The Thing
58. Scarface (1983)
59. Airplane!
60. The Silence Of The Lambs
61. Blue Velvet
62. Seven Samurai
63. Citizen Kane
64. 2001: A Space Odyssey
65. Shaun Of The Dead*
66. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl*
67. Close Encounters Of The Third Kind
68. Lawrence Of Arabia
69. Halloween
70. The Searchers
71. Rocky
72. Once Upon A Time In The West*
73. Platoon
74. Kill Bill: Vol. 1
75. Magnolia
76. The Deer Hunter
77. The Shining
78. American Beauty
79. Fargo
80. Chinatown
81. Saving Private Ryan
82. Vertigo
83. King Kong (2005)
84. Goldfinger
85. The Wizard Of Oz
86. Dawn Of The Dead
87. Requiem For A Dream
88. The Terminator*
89. Psycho
90. Brokeback Mountain
91. Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the Bomb
92. The Bourne Supremacy
93. The Incredibles*
94. Some Like It Hot
95. Spirited Away
96. Rear Window*
97. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
98. This Is Spinal Tap
99. Forrest Gump
100. The Exorcist

It is very possible that every other post, if not more, will be solely photos these days.